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Discussion Topic: concerned wife
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Cautious |
10-16-2007 @ 10:16 PM
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Member
Joined: Oct 2007
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I apologize if this is not the correct forum...by accident I just found out my husband is taking Cialis. I joined this forum today in hopes that I can get some insight on my new found situation. I feel betrayed. I wouldn't think that he would keep that from me and don't know how to react. I feel horrible that he can't share it with me but after sleeping on it last night thought I should seek out others that might help me see his point of view. Our age difference is 20 years. This has never been an issue but maybe it is now. He has always been very sexual and very satisfying so now I'm thinking that for the last 9 years he has been taking something and I just haven't known. Because he is 58 I worry about the side effects and now checking out the side effects I know he has had them and now I know why. What if there was a medical emergency and I didn't know he was on this medication?!? I am torn. I want to know that he can tell me anything but I want to understand why he hasn't & if it's better for his pride to not tell him I know I feel I can do that. I am also trying not to feel like it's not my fault. Again, I apologize if anyone is offended by a wife posting a new discussion on this forum. I viewed all my options and didn't see a more appropriate one. Besides, I want a male point of view in order to try to understand my husbands decision to keep this from me.
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Trolley |
11-14-2007 @ 5:48 PM
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Joined: Nov 2007
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I understand your horror at your husband not telling you that he was taking Cialis. I am 54 and diabetic and my 1st wife passed away in 2002. I remarried in 2004 but, due to my 1st wife's illness, I had not had sex for nearly 7 years. So when I met my new wife I could not get an erection. I saw my doctor who prescribed Viagra and told my then girlfriend who was very supportive. However, after a couple of years being married, I found the Viagra did not work that well but also things had improved. But once again I had some problems so I decided to purchase Cialis, online but did not tell my wife. I think I was both concerned at her re-action and embarrassed. She thought that I was OK now and I believed that if I told her my problems were re-occurring she would feel this was in some way her fault. Again things were OK with Cialis and I stopped taking them. But now, yet again, I am having problems and I have now spoken to my wife who agrees that I should purchase them. In a nutshell I think it is down to male pride, embarrassment and also the issue that the woman may feel she is to blame, which is not likely to be the case. So good luck.
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worriedfiancee |
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05-15-2008 @ 4:51 AM
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Joined: May 2008
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hi! i am in a similar boat, see my posting "worriedfiancee"...........any advice for me? i am driving myself crazy!! secretly checking when hes taken one, etc etc....
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dfmberwyn |
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11-26-2009 @ 9:15 PM
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Joined: Nov 2009
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The side effects of not being able to perform, or the fear of that, are far worse than minor physical side effects. Also he may be insecure because of the age difference. You are doing well to try to understand his point of view. He may fear losing you if he can't perform. That doesn't sound likely to me, it sounds like you are in for the long haul. I applaud your consideration for him. And, you do know, so in an emergency you have what you need.
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derekp68 |
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02-08-2010 @ 6:31 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
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hello
I am a 68 year old man with ED, I lost my wife many years ago and was not sexually active. However in the last few years I have met a wonderful lady whom things are progressing with, but I now have the embarrassing problem of things not working how they should. I have purchased Viagra but not taken it yet, and I too have also not told my lady due to me being so embarrassed about it.
I am now worried that she might be riffling through my drawers to check things out.
From a female perspective, how would you like to be told about this problem?
DP
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pod17 |
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02-08-2010 @ 7:34 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
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I don't intend on telling my girlfriend. I don't think its deceitful, if its
something medical and personal like this. If she asks, I will - but I'm not
going to offer up the information. I've been avoiding having sex with her
recently as I'm worried I won't be able to - I think she'd just be relieved if
we had a good sex life again.
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derekp68 |
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02-09-2010 @ 5:46 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
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hello
After posting on this last night, I decided to have the talk with my lady friend and to my amazement she was totally fantastic and understanding about the whole situation which really put my mind at rest.
I know some people wont want to tell their wives or partners, but sometimes it can bring you both closer and be beneficial to you both.
DP
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cheeky55 |
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02-09-2010 @ 11:01 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
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I agree, it's not like you can really hide the situation! I told my girl that I
was taking it and she thought it was brave and mature of me to talk about
it (which was a bonus) and also her support made me feel way more
confident. It's only embarrassing if you make it that way. With the pills
everything works, so everyone's happy, right?!
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tommy32 |
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02-10-2010 @ 9:50 AM
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Joined: Sep 2009
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I have had both good and bad experiences with telling the woman I am with about my ED meds.
I prefer honesty, if the woman I am with isn't bothered it normally last long, if she freaks out, i generally end it becuase I want to be with an understanding woman.
Cautious - It would be great if you could be understanding for your husband, after all he probably took them for you to be satisfied and not think less of him as a man. Especially from his generation - men were men. So maybe it is best not to bring it up and hurt his pride and better to know that he is taking them to please you.
I hope this helps and please come back and let us know if you are at ease.
T
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derekp68 |
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02-10-2010 @ 6:51 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
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hello
I totally agree with Tommy on this one, Im from the older generation where as he puts it, men were men! Although I think it wouldnt be so nice if he found out that you had accidently found his pills, knew what he was taking and didnt let him know. I personally would prefer honesty first, like Tommy says if the woman is serious, then ideally she would be totally understanding of the situation and realise that he was doing it to benefit her as well as himself.
Best of luck Cautious and do let us know that all is ok.
DP
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