Posted By Discussion Topic: Desperate for help   verysad 08-05-2010 @ 4:18 AM                           reply Member Joined: Aug 2010 My husband and I have been to see a sex therapist. We finally got there after 3 years of no sex and a marriage separation ( I was on the brink of suicide after feeling I was not attractive/he was gay/ etc). He has been told by the ST he has performance anxiety. We are back living in the same house albeit separate bedrooms and have not attempted any sexual contact yet, but are still going to the counsellor. I have found a packet of Calais with 4 tablets missing. I have googled it and am really upset that he is taking this without me knowing. So many things running through my head again - is he cheating? is he gay? blah blah blah.Why would he be taking these if he is not having sex? I am 36 and feel like I in a really dark spot. I am scared to talk to him about this as I don't feel I am ready to "go there" with him after so many years of what feels like emtional torture. Any advise? pod17 08-05-2010 @ 8:24 PM                           reply Member Joined: Jan 2010 Talk to him!! Surely having gone to a sex therapist together you both have opened the channels of dialogue? Of course I dont know for sure, but it sounds like he's taking the Cialis for YOUR benefit. It's exactly what he should be doing. The fact that there are a few missing doesnt mean that he's having sex with other people. I'd bet that he's trying them out and psyching himself up to get intimate with you. The Cialis will definitely help with the physical end of things - I use it and its fantastic - but if you're sleeping in separate bedrooms and are avoiding being intimate because it's awkward after such a long period of abstinence, then he's probably just feeling shy of jumping on you! I reckon you should talk about it. Say you found the cialis, you think its brilliant that he's taken that step to sort out his ED and that you cant wait to try it out together. If you're positive and upbeat it will take the pressure off him and he'll be able to perform. You dont understand what a psychological minefield sex can be for a guy! So cut him some slack!!! And get on his side! Good luck with it - and let us know how it goes, Cheers, P